So we got our home study paperwork in the mail yesterday and just call me “Eager Beaver” :). I am sure the USPS lady was happy to be spared my face waiting at the mailbox today (Just kidding, I’m not quite that bad. I waited inside the house until she drove off). I am diving into it without restraint…well, maybe a little restraint since I still work 2 jobs, have 2 kids and a very ADD puppy, and volunteer on the PTF board at the boys’ school. Let’s just say that I have a goal to have the entire home study done by the end of March…which is about half the time that they are usually completed. We shall see… I know that I aim high, but why not… life is short.
I used to think that I was a pretty open person that was not bothered by personal questions or worried about giving information about myself, my life, my feelings, etc… and then I opened this packet. We have to fill out detailed paperwork on just about everything about us… I mean, someone could write a good “tell all” Robert’s family book after our home study is completed (Don’t worry all you extended family Roberts’. I am just talking about our immediate family. We will leave out all the holiday fun we have had over the years :). I don’t think I am bothered by anything individually… a financial statement is not a big deal, neither is a full medical history, or an autobiography, or criminal record checks, etc., etc. I think the “irk” comes in at the comprehensiveness of what we are about to reveal to total strangers, so that they can put a rubber stamp on our lifestyle and parenting skills. For all I know, they could find me lacking in a good many areas that I have spent years working on…am I strong enough to think of myself as a good parent even if that is the case? I mean, here we are the dad and mom of a 10 year old and 8 year old, and these people could come in and say, “we’re sorry, you don’t meet the criteria of a good parent”. So I guess I am realizing that this is more than just about us as adoptive parents… it feels like a test of how well we are doing with our current children as well. Scary! Not that I am not thrilled to be at this point in the journey, but I guess it never even occurred to me that I would feel this way. Like I said, I am not a private person, but I now have a little bit more sympathy for people who are in a world like this one.
So I have found one more similarity of childbirth and adoption. In childbirth, you have to reveal just about everything, but in a physical sense… in adoption, you are revealing just about everything, but you can keep your clothes on. Not sure at this point which one I would rather do, but I will keep you updated… lol. Either way, when you get to the end, you find that it is totally worth it. And in that I find hope…
Pray for this non-detailed person as I lead our family in chasing down forms, typing up answers to questions, and running the numbers. Lord knows how much I will need it :).
On another note, life has become quite overwhelming lately. Maybe we are being prepared for the rest of our lives :). We are finding not much around us to be really stable and some days we want to jump off the merry-go-around. What keeps me moving forward on most days lately is the thought of close friends who are going through much worse than we are. I know that they are praying the same prayers I am, except in some of those situations, those prayers are filled with grief, pain, life and death. Comparatively our life craziness is mild, and most days, before I complain I choose to remember “it could be worse”. If we know Jesus, if we are breathing, if we are loved by someone, if we are eating every day, we have nothing to complain about, and most of us have something we can give to those who are not so blessed. If we can turn our focus onto what we can give, instead of what we are not getting, not only will we be more happy individually, but the world will change. Right now, do you see anything more needed than world change? It begins one person at a time.