So I thought my next post would be one introducing Katherine Hope to you, but a few delays later I am writing just because the knots must come out some way. The matching list that was supposed to come out on the 20th was delayed until Nov. 1st. which was last night in China. Alas, it still has not come out, we have not been matched yet, and so goes what I am told is normal in the adoption process. There are no guarantees. There are no adoption C-sections. The entire process must have its way and there isn’t anything we can do to change that.
Needless to say, I have spent the last 3 days vascillating between excitement and anxiety. David, too, has felt the pressure of waiting. At random moments we find ourselves looking at each other and asking “Are you ready?” As if that will hurry things up. Waiting is hard! If you have ever experienced waiting for a child to come into your world, the difficulty of patience is tripled. In both my pregnancies the last week before labor was the most difficult. Not knowing when the contractions would begin, but knowing it could be any moment… I feel that exact way right now. That feeling of just enough weariness to make you want to cry, but just enough hope to keep the tears from coming.
I had to call our case worker this morning, so I could at least move on with the day and think of something else. Emily is so gracious to us and understands every bit of this having gone through it twice herself. She says that she doesn’t know what is going on with the list… she is going to call some people a little bit later in the day and find out. My temptation is to doubt, to worry, to be discouraged, but I kinda got an email from God this morning. Strange thing to say, I know, but let me explain. David and I waited up last night for news and disappointment sank in when we went to bed without any. We checked our phones a couple of times during the night and still nothing. I have an app on my phone that gives me a random daily Bible verse. It changes to a new one at midnight and alerts me. I didn’t look at it last night because I was so focused on whether I had gotten a phone call or an email, but this morning when I looked at it, the verse jumped out at me. “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry ‘Abba, Father!'” Romans 8:15. What??? There are only a few verses in the entire Bible that have the word “adoption” in them. Speechless!
God sees… He sees us here waiting breathlessly for our daughter. He sees my dear friend who just found out she has a mass in her breast as she waits for news about her health. He sees my loved one who has been devastated by her spouse as she waits to see what will play out in her marriage. He sees my husband who is wading through company changes as he waits for others to make decisions that he has no control over. And He sees you…wherever you are, whatever you are waiting for, God sees you. And He waits too… He waits for you to care, He waits for you to believe, He waits for you to follow… He is waiting every day for sons and daughters. I have no words to describe a God such as this. A God who would message me this morning just to say “I see you.”
So we may meet our daughter today… or we may meet her next month. Waiting is still hard, but He is here… He’s right here beside us…and because I know and believe that, I can face the moments, the hours, the days of waiting.