So we are in the very last stages of our waiting game. Starting to feel like I have been pregnant for 2 years. David and I are both ready for this transition to begin. We just have to wait for the travel approval and then book the trip. It’s almost time.
I’m not gonna lie… I am more scared than excited. Probably just because it is one of my huge weaknesses to fear the unknown. Waiting has been safe for me. We have a daughter in China and the idea of that without the work has been like a dream. Truth is I have no idea what to expect and no idea how this will change our lives. I would probably feel the same things if I was pregnant right now, but at least I would have an idea of how everything would work out. People respond to us like we are saints, but I feel the farthest thing from a saint when I find myself worrying about how this little girl will affect our “safe” and semi “normal” family. Those are less than saintly thoughts. It’s kinda like when you are pregnant with your 2nd child and you constantly wonder how you will ever love them as much as you do the one you have already. Don’t get me wrong, I love Kate. You can hear it in my voice when I talk about her and see it in my face when her name is mentioned… it’s just that none of this is a piece of cake. I’m glad that it isn’t, but I also wrestle with the part of me that hates large changes. If there was ever a battle going on between flesh and spirit, it is going on right in this very home. I am learning right here and now to draw nearer to the only One who has the plan. He alone knows how all of this looks on the other side and I am realizing once again how very much I need Him and how very much I have allowed the distractions of this world to pull me away from Him. The funny thing about all my concerns and fears is that even when one of them happens to come to pass, He is always right there holding my hand and making everything okay. I want so much not to worry any more! The worry is always more traumatizing than any circumstance that actually happens. He told me yesterday that the only way to peace is through a deep commitment to His Word. We have to exchange our worry habit for a Word habit. It is our daily Bread. It heals, it restores, it sets free. If we will only submit ourselves to that and quit trying to find freedom any other way, we will soon see the life of It springing up into us. “Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.”
So keep us in your prayers in the days and months to come. We need every one of them. Thank you so much for supporting and for loving us!