So on my prayer list for the week, a request is written for an update on my precious daughters…with a tag line that says, “particularly from Jessica”.
Today God answered this specific prayer. I got an update. I was sent 22 pictures and several videos from Jessica’s orphanage. My heart soared as these attachments started pouring into my email and I could not wait to open the pictures and the videos. I am really not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t the fear that smacked me full in the face as I was introduced to the faces of the people who have more than likely cared for Jessica since she was an infant.
Suddenly, I was sick inside from the thoughts that began to assault me. How can we rip this precious girl from everything she’s ever known? How will we ever turn around and walk away from these gorgeous people who have raised our daughter? How will we ever repay them? How can we expect our 13 year old girl to cope with a new family that doesn’t know her language…a new country a world away from China? How in the world will any of this be okay?
Then that still small voice that continually keeps me sane spoke directly into my heart and asked, “Candace, are you going to walk by sight or by faith?” See, as a mom, I want to read between the lines of every picture… I examine every aspect of them trying to understand everything that I can about our daughter. I calculate every nuance of the face… I try to read the expressions and the body language…to somehow determine if my girl has been well cared for…if she is happy… if someday she might find it in her heart to love us. I am trying to cling desperately to what I can see. And all the while, Jesus is waiting for me to turn those wandering, fretting, motherly eyes on Him and look full in His wonderful face.
And you know what I see there? I see a love so deep that I could never understand it… I see a God who has seen this precious child since before she was born… I see a Savior who is waiting on standby to work all things together for good when these girls come home. When I finally remember to stay my eyes on Him, I remember that He is GOOD…that He never leaves…and that He has a plan. I remember, as a sweet new friend reminded me today that I am not a savior, but He is…and He knows EXACTLY how to intertwine the hearts of this family that He is building. I remember what another friend texted me just a while ago, that this is about the GOSPEL…and our decision to bring this girl home has eternal significance. And while I am gazing upon a God who gives so liberally and keeps so steadily, my heart is suddenly filled with faith.
So here I sit tonight, determined not to look away from the One who took us to China over a year ago and changed our lives into something more glorious than we ever could have imagined. Would you join us in praying for the fragile heart of our sweet Jessica? Because if anyone knows all that this transition will require, it is the One who ordained it from the beginning of time.