As our day winds down here, I am completely overwhelmed at what God has done and continues to do in our family.
Naomi Grace. My first glance at her face brought the emotion of love to my heart. This was the first time I had instantly felt that bond of love with one of my baby girls. Kate was a screamer, so it took a few hours for me to connect with her just because I was scared to death that she would scream for the rest of my life. Jessica was a decision that I had already made. It wasn’t and still isn’t some huge emotional experience. I love my girl with all my heart, but I don’t necessary feel that love as strong as I know that I will some day. With my sweet Naomi, it was instant. They placed her in my arms and the emotions of love overwhelmed me just like they did the day I gave birth to my Jordan Dakota. I thought, “I get to take her home forever!!!!!”
Naomi did not even make a sound when they handed her to us. There was no sign of struggle or fear. She simply came to us and began watching our every move, probably wondering how in the world she got stuck with a family of 7. The kids watched her right back. Jordan reached out his arms and held her for a while… didn’t even want to give her up… he is such a great big brother. Kate got really upset as we were leaving because she wanted me to carry HER in the carrier that I brought for Naomi. I carried both of them as far as I could and then we watched Kate melt down on the Chinese streets where we were already a gawker’s paradise. Jessica kept saying “no” to Naomi, but then we caught her feeding her water out of a cup. The love is there, it is just very hard for Jessica to share the attention right now… especially her dad’s attention.
I can relate and understand. If I was Jessica, I would feel the same way. She is really at a very insecure place in her life and we were all making great progress together. The new baby is an issue for her… an issue that may take a bit to be resolved. And that breaks my heart because the last thing that I want to do is add pain to my precious girl who has been drowning in it her whole life. Yet I know that Naomi is ours and is just as a part of this family as any one of us. I feel for her too, because though she can’t understand she has taken a back seat in so many ways. Even now when it is time for her to be lavished with love, we are divided in our responsibilities and have to be aware at all times of the other kids.
Welcome to big families, right? There is so much love in this one that I have no doubt that it will work itself around. Once again, I find myself in a place where I am at the end of “me”. With “me” this is an impossible task, but I am reminded quickly that this family belongs to THE God of impossible things. My weakness… His strength. Grace is enough. That is why in the coming days you will watch as our family unites as one. Grace is enough. That is why these girls will grow healthy and strong and thrive. Grace is enough. That is why, today, Jessica asked for food and ate more than she ever has. Grace is enough. That is why Naomi laughed out loud several times as we took her down the slide at the playground. Grace is enough. That is why our boys have not only accepted these girls but have asked that the next additions to our family be brothers. Grace is enough. That is why you could never tell that Kate was adopted only a year and a half ago.
And can I tell you that grace is enough for you. Grace is enough for the loved one you are watching suffer. Grace is enough for the money that you need for that next step of obedience. Grace is enough for the day that you are dreading and wishing would only just end. Grace is enough.
And Grace is a free gift, but it requires belief. You must believe that HE IS and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. If right now, you do not believe that grace is enough, then you are not seeking the Grace Giver… because desperate seeking of Him leads to grace and more grace.
I wish I could put into words all that is in my heart tonight. I wish I could break it open and show you what the Lord has done. If you only knew how completely impossible any of what you are seeing would be without THE GREATEST God, you would never, EVER doubt His grace again. I can’t explain it. This trip has been completely supernatural and I feel almost as if I am in an alternate universe living someone else’s life. I cannot even tell you how NOT ME this is…5 plane rides, almost a month away from home already, packing and unpacking, different cities and hotels, 2 new children, etc. etc. HIS GRACE IS ENOUGH.
Walk on in that obedience because His grace is going to be there to catch you and when it does… well, you may just never want to do anything else with your life.