This morning as I am still shaking off the jet lag, I started to feel really guilty about the fact that I am not good at schedules. Routine is just not my thing…never has been. I have never been one to even take a shower at the same time of day… and it has long been one of those things I beat myself over the head with.
Particularly lately as we have added adoptive children I have mourned my total lack of predictability. The first thing they tell you in adoption classes is that you need to have a schedule and stick to it. They say that this helps your child feel safe and secure and will contribute to quicker transition and acclimation.
While I agree that predictability can help some children acclimate to life in their new family, this morning I am rethinking perspective on this “rule”. In China, when you pick up your child, you are handed a schedule… when the child eats, what they eat, when they sleep, what they do in between…this is institutionalized life… and yes, it is very true that a child can get used to a schedule and feel more “safe”.
But as I was contemplating this morning and telling the Lord how upset I am with myself in totally failing in this area, He was quick to ask me. “Candace, do you want your children to feel safe and secure in a schedule or safe and secure in you? Do you want them to trust in routine or trust that their mom has their best interests at heart and will take care of everything?” Well, of course, I want my children to trust me and in this regard, a schedule is just not that important to me. This could be argued, of course, and probably will be by some who think I am off my rocker, but ultimately, for me, this answered the dilemma and gave me peace.
Just as we want our children to find their safety in us and not their circumstances, so does our Father. This is why His greatest desire for us in intimacy and relationship. He wants us to trust HIM… not our good deeds… not what is going on around us… not even what we are seeing with our own eyes… but HIM. He wants to be our Rock and to be followed wherever He might lead with a total acceptance that He always has our best interests at heart. He wants to be the One that we look to for that feeling of safety, acceptance, and security… not some form of religion that we have established in our minds will save us. He wants “real”, not “routine”… “fellowship” not “form”… “pleasure in Him” not “practice of deeds”. Focus does matter. Perspective does matter. As a matter of fact, it is the difference maker in our relationship with the Lord.
So I’ll be over here content in letting my children learn to trust me and not the schedule. It may make things harder on all of us for a bit, but I can’t help but believe the results will be worth it.
Disclaimer: I am not “anti-schedule”. I know plenty of women whose homes thrive off of them and I completely admire them. I was just encouraged by the Lord this morning in how He made me and how my perceived weakness is a part of His perfect plan, and I wanted to share in case someone can relate and be encouraged.